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Category Archives: Parenting Tips

No matter how old I be I will always be a kid for you – Happy Mother’s Day

“Wake up beta, its 5.30, look at your sister and brother. They have both finished their bath and puja. Your sister is even helping me out with the morning chores. I don’t want you to help me. Just help yourself by being more responsible for your own things. What will your in-laws say if you sleep for so long in the morning. You will have so many responsibilities when you grow up. You should be getting up at least by 3.30 in the morning, ideal time for students to study peacefully. Please get up and get going”

This is how my morning alarm would sound every morning all through the years I was with my parents. Even during the breaks I took from my hostel during vacations. Nothing would deter me from snoozing this alarm to ring after 1/2 till it was really late.

My mom has always been my punch bag, even till now. Then Amma and now pati (maternal grandmother in tamil)- because that’s what she is to my kids now, this woman has been a silent bearer of all my tantrums, eccentricities and erratic behaviour during my growing up days, but never lost her calm or raised her voice. Everything I chose to do or not to do for that matter, she never imposed her opinions on me. I was free to choose and reject anything in any walk of life. If she found something wrong she would just point it but leave it to my decision. My hobbies, career decisions were all mine always and she would never say a word against any thing.

In fact recently when I joined this Guitar Lessons, while everyone around while was supportive but also was questioning why would I spend time on something like this at this age when my kids should be learning all this and I should just sit back and watch, she said, “If you learn properly your teacher might also take you along for performances. Don’t forget to  send me your show passes”. Mwah Mwah for that.

She has pampered all three of us (me and my siblings) only to the extent that was required. Today I am what I am because of her. All credits to my confidence and talent is because of her. I am uninhibited and liberated because I was brought up by her that way.

“Wake up, its 7.30. The bus should be here in any moment. I am not going to drop you to school if you miss it. See your sisters are up and about. You will have so much to study in few years to come. You should be getting up at least by 5.30 in the morning, an ideal time to study for students. Get up and Get going.”

This is the morning alarm for my eldest one….only to be snoozed for 30  more seconds….Life comes a full circle you see. Happy Mother’s Day mom.

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Vande Mataram!!!

In childhood I used to look forward to this day for the apples and biscuits distributed in my school besides performing various patriotic song and dance items. As I grew up, we had flag hoisting in the nearby areas with some elderly person/s reminiscing their experiences during the freedom struggle. Now I am a mother and I take my kids around for various celebrations in the building and the surroundings. Today someone asked why do you gather this day, and I looked at my daughter for an answer and she promptly said ‘because we want to pay respect to our country’s martyrs as they freed us from the British Rule.’

Then suddenly I thought, 64yrs now (36yrs from my birth) and I am still enjoying the freedom from the British Raaj. but am I really free? Am I free from the roving eyes of the lecherous men, am I free of the thought of the safety of my little ones because their gender (look froward to voicing my opinion in the Mumbai slut walk), am I free from the thought that some corrupt neta is pocketing my hard earned money in one of his foreign accounts (plan to fast for at least a day with Anna Hazare to show my solidarity), am I free of the fear of another bomb planted somewhere in the vicinity of my near and dear ones (am soon enrolling myself for combat training), am I free of the thought that this S&P’s downgrading U.S. debt from AAA to AA+ would not affect India so much (will try to hold on the larger expenses planned and probably shift my plans of buying a home to next 10 yrs), am I free of the thought of some natural calamity hitting India besides the political and communal ones (god forbids!!!). It’s my needs in my life that defines my freedom. The more I need of the day to day life, the more I expect from my husband, my kids, my near and dear ones, my company, my community, the leaders, the countries and end up blaming all people around for my failure.

For my kids, do they even look at these things? Freedom for my little ones is to be able to play some hours more like the older kids in the building, my not telling them to follow their timetable after coming home from the school, to be able to remove anything from anywhere from the house and leave them where ever, to shout and jump on the bed and sofas in the house, to watch TV and play games for as long as they want, to order Domino’s Pizzas and Pastas everyday. For them freedom is freedom from their MOM. I am equivalent to the British Raaj who rations and regulates the whats, the wheres, the whens, the whos the whys, the whichs, the hows of their life. Till they are not exposed to the harsh realities of life I am happy being their mother (of all problems).

Vande Mataram!!! Vande Mataram !!!

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Happy Women’s Day

happywomensday

The Global Centenary Year for the Women’s Day is celebrated today (the first event being celebrated in the year 1911 on March 19 and not on 8th March by Clara Zetkin ) and I am urged to share something that has been doing rounds in my mind for some time.

Couple of days back one of my FB connection had posted a link . She pointed out that the report suggests that part of the problem is the fact that women tend to pursue the lowest-paying professional careers, notably teaching. Perhaps part of the answer is just to increase compensation for people who devote their careers to education.

A friend of her’s said “the tax code does not favor children or stay-at-home parents. Parenting is an invaluable service to society. Perhaps I should literally pay my wife to take care of my kids, then we could write my house off as a business (day care center), as well as the car, and my wife could start a self-employed based SEP for retirement. I should also pay her for cleaning and cooking… same business rules.
Is it really any different than if I could afford a cook, daycare and chauffeur?”

Although these are the cases based from the west, I feel, this is not just the case with American women. We too struggle and juggle with career,home, aspirations, responsibilities a lot back here in India. Luckily now at least we have support coming from the work front in metros like where the employers turn a blind eye when we have no backups and carry kids to work. Regarding compensation and benefits,’miles to go.

Smaller cities though still has the concept of well-knit families and cushion the gaps but in larger metros everyone has and needs an independent life and hence the exponential rise in the nuclear families. At least west has organized creches for kids, which is still at a nascent stage so our lives are worse like mine. So although we have stepped out of the house and added on to our JD but ‘the invaluable service of Parenting’ is still largely handled by us. That could also be because men are not genetically capable to handle emotional stress as finely as women. I think we all should breed more men and train them to handle household and kids and parenting and cooking and cleaning and all other juggling that we do. Probably a ‘genetic mutation’ would help alter the scenario.

Happy Women’s Day girls!!!

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2011 in Parenting Tips, Personal Diary

 

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wo kaagaz kii kashtii, wo barish ka pani


Missing the crazy days called teens when it was so easy to scale the miles in IIT campus jogging, belt out the numbers from pt. bhimsen joshi to whitney houston, dance away to glory to Michael jackson and ila arun , travel from home to work to evening college to back home and still ready to go out for a night out, play endlessly with the ‘mohalla’ kids.””magar mujhko lautaa do bachapan kaa saavan, vo kaagaz kii kashtii, wo barish ka pani””……gosh my throat aches after every ‘baithak’, knee hurts after every rehearsal, ‘jogging’…..what’s that , “char bajne wale hai party abhi baki hai” days are gone and I sing…”so jao jaldi bachcho subah school tumhe jana hai”……….

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Link

My youngest one composed this one

‘akka cheeku skool jati hai’
(re re ga ma ga sa re )notation of the song.
She said ‘mum raajshree gana ga rahi hai…and sang this peice’
27th July 2010

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